Never forget

3 years ago tomorrow, we were looking at an ultrasound that showed that our baby had no heartbeat. It was a devastating end to my first pregnancy. I never expected to be one of the many who experiences a miscarriage, but life doesn't always go as expected. I feel like my miscarriage was the beginning of a dark season of life for me. A season I would not want to go back to, but nonetheless caused much growth in my life. My perspective was changed. I saw any future pregnancies as a God-given gift, not a right. Kids are truly a blessing from the Lord. Even though raising kids is difficult (I would venture to say it is the toughest job out there), and sometimes it's easy to get bogged down by the nitty gritty, mundane life of changing endless diapers, listening to crying/screaming, nursing/cutting food, this time of year serves as a reminder of how THANKFUL I am that God would see fit to bless us with two wonderful children.

The joy of children far outweighs the difficult. The joy of having your child wrap their arms around your neck in a hug, or hearing a child giggle, or having your baby's face light up when they see your face, or getting to see the world anew through the eyes of a child. I'm so thankful for these daily joys. But I never want to forget our very first baby. And I never want to forget all that God taught me through those dark days.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22

3 Months Old

Our sweet little man is 3 months old! As he reached this 3 month mark, I was reminded of how fun this age is. He is becoming so much more responsive, he's generally very happy, and he is sleeping so much better. More sleep=a happier mommy. Here are some things I don't want to forget.

• He can squeeze into several 0-3 month sleepers (mainly because I hate to buy new ones with the weather getting nicer), but he generally wears 3-6 month clothes.
• He started wearing size 3 diapers right after he turned 3 months old.
• He is still eating every 3 hours during the day, and he will take 4 ounces from a bottle when I'm at work.
• He still has his last feeding around 10 then will sleep usually until somewhere between 6 and 7. He has his exceptions (today he slept until 7:30 and yesterday he woke up at 5), but I am SO happy he is sleeping better. Now if E would quit waking up in the middle of the night. If it's not one, it's the other.

• He still does his eat/play/sleep routine, but he is definitely not as good of a napper as Elliott. Also, he has reached that point where he has a difficult time sleeping in his bouncer/car seat. He needs quiet to sleep.
• He has such a laid back personality. He spends lots of time in his bouncer just looking around. So precious! He has really started liking the little animals on his bouncer, particularly the green one.
• He loves to smile and will just about smile at anyone (very different from Miss E).
• He has a chronic stuffy nose. I'm not a fan. I'm beginning to wonder if he has allergies like his mommy.

• He rarely cries...only if he is really tired.
• He seems to like bath time and he likes to kick his legs like crazy.
• He loves to watch his big sister. He thinks she is the coolest.
• He has started laughing more. So stinking cute!

I truly cannot get enough of his smiles!! He warms my heart on a daily basis and we're so thankful the Lord blessed us with him!

I wanted to throw this picture in just because. Miss E wearing her first, big girl pony tail. She's getting so big!

Finally...I'm back.

Wow. It's hard to believe a month has almost passed since I last posted. A month. Craziness. In my defense, it has been a busy month. I started back to work when Mason was 9 weeks old, and even though I'm only working part time, it definitely has made my free time even MORE limited. Imagine that. Also, having two is most definitely more work. I love it, but I feel like my hands are almost always full, which means less time to blog. Hopefully I will get better. No promises. :)

Last week, we had some dear friends visit us from Oklahoma. You would think having 8 people crammed into a 2 bedroom house with only 1 bathroom would be stressful, but it was amazing! We had so much fun showing them around and we were so sad to see them go. Here are a few pictures from our week together.

Feeding the ducks on campus.

Sweet bedtime reading with the boys. Mason's loving the story. :)

Fun at St. Joseph which is a beach town on Lake Michigan. The water was FREEZING but the kids LOVED it! It's still hard for me to believe we live this close to white sandy beaches but it's not at the ocean.

E was disgustingly wet and sandy. It was all fun and games until it was time to take off her wet clothes (we don't have photos to document that "fun").

Love this girl and her adventurous spirit.

My sweet sweet friend. So refreshing to my soul.

Eating lemons at the pizza place. Her face says it all.

Family pic before pizza...love my squinty eyes.

The little man. He's getting so big! 3 months today.

We had some delicious pizza at a restaurant overlooking the beach.

We played some fun card games together. This was our "action" shot. I know...we're dorks. I especially love Stuart and Amy's reflective pants.

Lattes and walk around campus for old times sake...just a different campus.

We celebrated all the birthdays we missed while apart. Gotta love some yummy ice cream cake. We decided to make this a tradition every time we come back together.

Elliott LOVED hanging out with the boys. It was like having constant entertainment with some supervision. Amazing. The only negative is she tried to do everything they did...climbing, jumping, etc. Thankfully we didn't get any major injuries.

We also spent several hours in Chicago when we were taking them to the airport but the pictures are all on my phone, which I have not downloaded yet. It was so fun having them here, and we can't wait to see them again! Thanks for visiting us!

2 Months Old

Mason is 2 months old! Oh how the time flies.

• He is wearing size 2 diapers since about a week ago. Just like Elliott, blowouts signaled the need for a change.
• He is wearing 0-3 month clothes, however, I can tell he won't be in this size much longer! Such a growing boy.
• He typically eats every 3 hours during the day and has been sleeping 5-7 hours at night. I'm thankful he is sleeping that much, but I am definitely ready for him to sleep through the night. Even waking up once gets tiring. He did sleep until 7:00 on his two month birthday which was INCREDIBLE!
• He drinks 3-4 oz from a bottle when I'm at work. That's right, started work this week.
• He follows the eat/play/sleep routine, but he seems to have a harder time taking long naps. Maybe it's because there is so much chaos in the house with a small toddler and a barking dog, but he seems to take shorter naps than Elliott did at this age.

• He is such a smily little boy. His smiles truly warm my heart.
• He has really started "talking." His little coos are the sweetest.
• He really likes his bouncer and his swing...probably because he spends lots of time in them during the day.
• He loves to be held, but not on your chest, down in your arms. Better position to look at his sweet face.

He had his two month appointment last Monday. I must say I felt slightly crazy bringing two children under the age of two to his doctor's appointment. Elliott usually does really great at the doctor's office, but I think she cried more than he did this visit...and he got shots. It's a little difficult holding 2 crying babies. :) He is growing boy though, and here are his 2 month stats:

Weight 13 pounds 6 ounces (65%)

Height 25 3/4 inches (99%)

Head 15 3/4 inches (50%)

We love our sweet little guy and how much joy he brings to our lives!

6 things...

Since I posted about 6 things I miss about Oklahoma, I thought it was only fair to post 6 things I like about South Bend. So in no particular order, here they are.
1. The river. There is river that runs through town, and when the weather is nice, there is an amazing paved path around it that we love to walk. Something about running water that is good for the soul.
2. Aladdin's. My new favorite Mediterranean place. The food is amazing and decently priced. I'm obsessed with Baba, a hummus like eggplant dip. My mouth is watering.
3. The snow. I have a love/hate relationship with the snow. There are days it feels like a prison, but it's amazing how beautiful it is while it's falling.
4. Our church. We are so blessed to have made so many good friends in such a short time. It has been an amazing reminder of what a blessing it is to be part of the body of Christ.
5. Chicago style pizza. Not so good for the waist-line but oh so tasty.
6. The mall. Such a silly thing to like, I know, but it's a great place to have a play date with friends. We like the play area in the mall and in Barnes and Noble (which is attached), looking at the animals in the pet store, watching the train, and eating at chick fil a. Oh how your perspective changes when you have kids.

And a few pictures just because.

Contentment

After a difficult day yesterday, today has been a much better day. I'm so thankful. For starters, I got to go to pilates this morning while Kev watched the kids. Amazing what a little exercise and fellowship does for the soul. Then, when we took our car into the shop, they said that since the door broke where it did, it was an easy and relatively cheap repair. They are already finished. Thank you, Jesus! I think this whole experience has reminded me that God is always faithful, even in the "little" things.

This morning I was being reminded of another character trait I am lacking...contentment. Why is it so easy to become discontent and so hard to be content? Discontentment raises it's ugly head quite frequently in my life, it just looks a little different each time. Recently I have seen it's presence regarding our house.

When we first moved here, I really loved our house. It's a rent house, but it has lots of character and style. However, as the days tick away, I find things that really bother me. Like there is only one bathroom and it is upstairs...ughh. And it has an upstairs and a basement. The bedrooms are all upstairs and the washer and dryer are downstairs. I feel like I'm constantly going up or down stairs and with two small children this is no small task. It is also just two bedrooms so Mason sleeps in our room (=I hear every grunt/cry he makes, even over the sound of a fan) and when we have visitors, they have to sleep in our dining room. You heard me right, our dining room. Don't you want to come visit? However, with all of these things, I got a good dose of truth this morning.

"Make sure your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, "I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you..."

Hebrews 13:5

Thankful for the Word to refocus my perspective.

Reflection

I feel like each and every day I get a little more confident, a little more comfortable having 2 kids. I'm not going to say this transition has been easy...it hasn't. It has actually been surprisingly more difficult than I was expecting. However, it does seem to be getting easier, and for that I am thankful. However, today was not one of those easy days. I decided to take the kids to the mall before Elliott's nap. Seems easy enough, right? Kev had class until 6 so I knew we had a long day ahead of us, so it's always nice to break up the day. Getting out the door is a small, or not so small feat. Making sure the diaper bag is fully stocked, putting everyone's coats/blankets on (it was snowing...life in the north), carrying everything and everyone out to the car, etc. When I got out to the car with Elliott, I realized our stroller was not in the car. I opened the trunk but then decided to wait to put the stroller in until I opened the garage because the door was partially open since it was caught on the garage. So on my second trip out with Mason, I decided to open the garage...without thinking that the trunk was already open...caught on the garage. I watched in horror as the garage basically hyperextended our trunk door and it then slammed shut.

So now I have to manually open the door and there is basically no way to easily get things in and out of it (until we get it fixed). I know this is not the end of the world. Yes, it is an expense, but things could be worse. However, with all this being said, it really shook me up. Afterwards, I felt so defeated...like I failed. After much thought, I think I responded like this because I feel like I try so hard to be a good mom. I try to think ahead, plan fun things for us to do, love on the kids, make sure they have what they need (like food and clean clothes), and with all my thinking and planning, I made a really silly mistake. I feel much better now. Thankfully, I have a very sweet, reassuring husband who loves me even when I make silly mistakes and surprises me with Starbucks to brighten my day. I'm still processing this day because I know I will make many more mistakes in the days and years to come. I know I can't find my identity in being a good mom, or a good wife, or a good employee, or a good friend. It's just so easy to do.

Thanks for letting me ramble. I'm not sure if any of this makes sense to anyone, but I feel like I'm still learning, still wrestling with so many thoughts and emotions. On a much lighter note, we were so blessed to have some very special visitors this past weekend. My sister and her husband flew in from Texas to stay with us. It was such a special, sweet time and the days flew by. We had an amazing time, but unfortunately we took very few pictures together. I'm so thankful they were able to get a glimpse of our life here. Love you guys!

Walking around campus. It seemed like a beautiful day (36 degrees and sunny) but got REALLY chilly.

Anja is 35 weeks pregnant. Can't wait to meet her little guy!