So typically the last feeding is the worst (especially on days I work). She acts fussy, she won't nurse normally so it takes longer for my milk to let-down. I literally switch her back and forth until finally she will eat a little. BUT in the mean time, it is miserable. I am always paranoid she's not getting enough, and there have been times I have just given up and defrosted milk to give to her in a bottle. Then she acts totally happy.
Part of me thinks, maybe she's just not as interested any more, she's eating other foods great, I have some milk still stored, she's almost 9 months, let's just stop nursing. I absolutely HATE pumping, and right now I'm pumping every night on top of the 3 days I work. I know some people have it worse, but I am SO tired of pumping...especially at work. There are some days I don't have time to pump twice so I just get one time in, so then of course I feel guilty. Sounds like a fairly strong case to quit, right?
Well then another side of me feels bad/guilty to stop nursing. I think I had the expectation to nurse for a year so I feel like I'm throwing in the towel too quickly. I also start wondering if it will be more difficult/inconvenient to stop nursing because I won't have a "bottle" always available. Also, we would probably have to do some formula and that's whole new can of worms that sounds stressful.
There is something so awesome (maybe selfish?) about being the only person who can feed your baby, especially in chaotic times with lots of family around. You can take a little break and you get to have a moment with just you and your baby. No one questions you or asks to do it (that would be really weird), and it's a need only you can fulfill. I feel like I will miss that. So many thoughts and yet I know there is no "right" answer. I go back and forth and still seem no closer to a solution.