Part of me wonders if I am physically ready. The pain of birth is no surprise now...no mystery. I know it hurts...bad. Also, although I am uncomfortable now, I'm not sure I'm ready to be completely and utterly exhausted from waking up in the middle of the night. Newborn babies are SO sweet, but there is nothing like getting only small segments of sleep. We finally got baby boy's crib set up, but beyond that, I don't feel like I have much more ready for him. Poor guy doesn't even have a name yet!
Finally, I'm not sure I am mentally prepared to have 2 children. Elliott is at a super fun age as we get to see more and more of her little personality, but she also is at an age where I am constantly questioning how to be an effective parent. It's so easy to second guess how and what you do and wonder how to best raise them. What's going to happen when we throw in a completely helpless baby that demands our attention?
We are SO excited to meet our little guy, and I don't want to seem ungrateful. I am so thankful for this precious life growing inside me, but I definitely have had more emotions as his due date draws near. I think in some ways my fears stem from my desire to want to have all my "ducks in a row." I like to feel totally prepared, totally on top of things, and I just don't right now. It's probably just preparation for our lives with 2 kids, but it is hard for me to let go of the control.
You just put all of my fears about a 2nd child into perfect words. I don't know that I'm doing a good job with one right now, so I can't imagine taking on a 2nd. But after the newborn sleeplessness improves, it will be so much fun to have two kids so close together!
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm also glad you talked about Elliott's phase right now being difficult. I have NO clue what to do with Paisley right now. She throws these giant temper tantrums at exactly the wrong times and won't seem to listen to anything I say. :(