The end of an era...

The era of pacifiers that is.  We decided to take away Miss Elliott's pacifier today.  This has been a decision long coming, and for those of you who have actually read this blog for a while, you might remember we actually planned to take away her paci before Mason was born, but that obviously didn't happen.  We always found an excuse why the timing wasn't right.  In my head, I had an absolute cut-off of 2 years old.  2 years old was so far away...until it wasn't...until it was only 2 weeks away.  So after much thought and consideration, we decided that this weekend would be it.  We didn't have any plans, so we figured we could sequester ourselves indoors subject to screaming and anger of an almost 2-year-old.  We got multiple books from the library about getting rid of your paci (which she wouldn't read), googled how-tos, heard multiple peoples' opinions.  Ultimately, we decided to cut the end of the pacifier and tell her it was "broken," an idea courtesy of my mom.  That way we weren't lying and it was a concept we thought maybe she could grasp.

Kev was home with the kids today while I worked, so he got to be the initiator of life without "bah" (what an amazing dad, right?).  I must admit, I was kind of thankful that I just got to receive updates via text message verses dealing with it in person.  She did surprisingly well all morning, but the first test was nap time.  She ALWAYS has her bah at nap times.  Kev said she asked for it, understood it was broken, asked for "more bah," cried for a couple minutes, then went to sleep.  What?!  I was expecting angry tantrums, screaming fits, skipped naps.  I was definitely imagining the worst and let's just say that was NOT it.  Tonight, she went to sleep without even really asking for it and didn't even cry.  Am I dreaming??  How is my reality so different than my expectations?  I feel like God has been SO very gracious to make this transition smooth, and I am so very thankful!

I, on the other hand, felt sad about it all day.  It's hard to put into words because in so many ways, I'm thankful to be done with the bah.  I'm so thankful to not have to fish for it in the back seat while driving when she throws it on the ground (real safe, right?), to not have to scour the house pre-nap time, pre-night time, pre-going-anywhere-time, to make sure we have the bah.  I was expecting her to respond in anger to not having it, but that hasn't been her response at all.  Today after work when we were running errands, she asked for her "bah," and I reminded her it was broken.  She didn't cry, she didn't get angry, she just had such a sad look in her face.  I was literally bawling in the front seat just to see her sadness.  I think I realized tonight that I'm not sad that she's growing up, but I'm sad because it's so hard taking away something she loves.  She has never been attached to a blanket, a lovey (although she has recently taken to her kitty cat and baby), her bottle, nursing, but she really LOVED her bah, even from day 1.  I know this is part of being a parent, helping them grow and develop, but it is still hard.  I'm still processing my thoughts and implications of this event in the life of my sweet little girl, but I am so grateful that day 1 was *fairly* uneventful.