Reflection

I feel like each and every day I get a little more confident, a little more comfortable having 2 kids. I'm not going to say this transition has been easy...it hasn't. It has actually been surprisingly more difficult than I was expecting. However, it does seem to be getting easier, and for that I am thankful. However, today was not one of those easy days. I decided to take the kids to the mall before Elliott's nap. Seems easy enough, right? Kev had class until 6 so I knew we had a long day ahead of us, so it's always nice to break up the day. Getting out the door is a small, or not so small feat. Making sure the diaper bag is fully stocked, putting everyone's coats/blankets on (it was snowing...life in the north), carrying everything and everyone out to the car, etc. When I got out to the car with Elliott, I realized our stroller was not in the car. I opened the trunk but then decided to wait to put the stroller in until I opened the garage because the door was partially open since it was caught on the garage. So on my second trip out with Mason, I decided to open the garage...without thinking that the trunk was already open...caught on the garage. I watched in horror as the garage basically hyperextended our trunk door and it then slammed shut.

So now I have to manually open the door and there is basically no way to easily get things in and out of it (until we get it fixed). I know this is not the end of the world. Yes, it is an expense, but things could be worse. However, with all this being said, it really shook me up. Afterwards, I felt so defeated...like I failed. After much thought, I think I responded like this because I feel like I try so hard to be a good mom. I try to think ahead, plan fun things for us to do, love on the kids, make sure they have what they need (like food and clean clothes), and with all my thinking and planning, I made a really silly mistake. I feel much better now. Thankfully, I have a very sweet, reassuring husband who loves me even when I make silly mistakes and surprises me with Starbucks to brighten my day. I'm still processing this day because I know I will make many more mistakes in the days and years to come. I know I can't find my identity in being a good mom, or a good wife, or a good employee, or a good friend. It's just so easy to do.

Thanks for letting me ramble. I'm not sure if any of this makes sense to anyone, but I feel like I'm still learning, still wrestling with so many thoughts and emotions. On a much lighter note, we were so blessed to have some very special visitors this past weekend. My sister and her husband flew in from Texas to stay with us. It was such a special, sweet time and the days flew by. We had an amazing time, but unfortunately we took very few pictures together. I'm so thankful they were able to get a glimpse of our life here. Love you guys!

Walking around campus. It seemed like a beautiful day (36 degrees and sunny) but got REALLY chilly.

Anja is 35 weeks pregnant. Can't wait to meet her little guy!