Sunday, February 5, 2012

Surprises with 2

I'm happy to say we're slowly starting to fall into some routines here, which is such a good thing for my sanity. We're surviving so far without Mimi, Papa, Grandma, or Grandpa even though it's not near as fun without them. I'm sure once we get our routines settled, I'll go back to work then we'll have to find all new routines. I have 3 more weeks off work, but I know it will be here before I know it.

So I am the queen of expectations. I don't usually realize I have such strong expectations until they're not met and I totally over-react. I typically see these strong expectations emerge in my relationship with Kev, and through the years we've realized our relationship is much better off when I can communicate these expectations instead of expecting him to know them. I'm sure many women struggle with this...or at least I hope I'm not the only one. I say all of this because I have been amazed at how many expectations I have had with this second kid that just have not panned going into labor early, expecting the delivery process to be similar to last time, etc.

Well, I've had a couple of more unmet expectations to add to the list recently. First, I assumed I wouldn't get great sleep after I had Mason because he would be waking up to eat. The first several weeks were actually not that bad. He was generally waking up twice (sometimes only once), Kev was there to help, and I was really feeling quite rested. Fast forward to a week and a half ago when Elliott started waking up...and has woken up every night since then. Elliott has always been a great sleeper. She started sleeping through the night very young, has always taken great naps and we have never really had problems with her waking up at night. Until a week and a half ago. I have wracked my brain as to why in the world she would be waking up. I blamed it on teething for a long time, but then it didn't seem to be making a difference when I gave her motrin. I thought maybe her ears were infected, but they weren't. Maybe she was getting hungry, maybe she was thirsty, maybe she was too hot/cold, maybe she was getting scared because her room was so dark, and on and on. I don't think it's related to Mason getting up because she usually wakes up before he wakes up. Then she's up for at least an hour. Add that on to the time I'm up with Mason to feed him and you've got TWO very grumpy parents. We usually hold her for awhile then have to let her cry/SCREAM for 20-30 minutes, hold her again, then finally she'll go to sleep. Exhausting. Did I mention she also has been taking shorter naps in the afternoon? Not what I would have expected.

My other unmet expectation is her reaction to Mason. Everyone assured me that since she was so young (16 months) when he was born, she wouldn't have any jealousy because she was too little to understand. I was counting on this. This has not been my experience. I'm not sure if she is jealous or what, but she seems to always want to hit or scratch him. It is so sad and very difficult to know how to respond. Granted, she is in the hitting/scratching stage and does it to us sometime, but I was not expecting this to be a problem. Mason basically stays in his bouncer on the table all the time because I don't really trust her with him. I'm just praying and hoping that this will improve (hopefully sooner than later). She has been a little sweeter lately which I have been very thankful for.

Anybody have any experience with either of these issues? I'm sure I will have many more unmet expectations but these are the most recent ones.
First bottle with Daddy.
Sweet little guy!


  1. Oh no. These are lots of the things I'm kinda freaked out about with my current situation! As for the kids, I think she'll get better as she gets used to him and matures some herself. She just can't really understand yet.

    As for marriages go, ours was perfect until baby came. And my expectations caused a LOT of problems. Somehow I thought he could read my mind. And he thought I could handle more than what I apparently can handle. So I get it.

    Add in a 2nd child and I can only imagine...

  2. Erica I clicked over from fb! Your kiddos are adorable! I can relate-- we didn't have any jealousy issues with our son when our daughter was born--some behavior issues, but none regarding the baby--but when #3 came, my daughter was VERY rough with the baby. Some of it was "tough love", but she bit him hard on multiple occasions. Like, bite marks. There is the same age gap between 1-2 and 2-3; 19 months. So I don't know if its a girl thing or what, but she will grow out of it. I would leave him in her reach whenever you'll be in the room to give her plenty of opportunity to interact with him appropriately--practice gentle touches, etc, let her get the baby toys or burp rags. I think involvement like that helps, as well as pretty stern discipline for any physical violence.
    I think the sleeping issues will smooth out too. Our current best/worst sleeper is always in flux around here. Someone's always either waking up super early or having a hard time getting quieted down or wanting to drop a nap...its a circus. We finally got #3, who is 15 months, sleeping thru the night regularly several months ago, and then a few weeks ago he went through a 2 week spurt of terrible sleeping, followed by waking up for the day at 4:45. Teething, growth spurts, changes in the family dynamics--they all can affect sleeping, I think. I do think sometimes an earlier bedtime can help (6:30 or 7 is the sweet spot for our 15 month old). Sleeping issues can be some of the most frustrating of all, but I've found that "spurts" like what Elliot is going thru typically will resolve within a few weeks. She's probably really enjoying that extra snuggle time with you and Kev, too. Hopefully things will be back to normal by the time you head back to work!!

  3. Love sweet Mason's chubby cheeks.